Charity and I took the kids to Disney World this past week. Regardless of how you feel about Disney, one thing we can all agree on is the place has its’ act together. A million people walking around and no trash on the ground? Mind blown. Anyways, I took the oldest two kids on a fierce ride called “Barnstormer”. By “fierce” I mean “ride that proves I love my children because I get bored on it but they seem to love it”. We waited in line for over 30 minutes for the ride but my kids were excited so, I suffered through it. I know, I am a hero. The ride launches us at an amazing 12 MPH and the kids throw their hands in the air! 15 seconds later the ride is over and in unison my kids go “Well, that ride is boring.”. I am certain this has happened before but it is one of the first moments I remember with my kids that expectation was let down by reality. An easy lesson for them to experience but also an unofficial “welcome to life” moment.

Few things bring more frustration into our lives then when we have unmet expectations. We begin a new job, start a new relationship, download the newest weight loss app (just me?), and many other things that are filled with promise and potential! Six months later the new job has you feeling stuck, that relationship leaves you wounded, and the weight loss app has you paying monthly for something you don’t use (again, just me?). Just as expectations filled our minds and hearts with beautiful potential, these realities send us to the worst kind of places. Our mind sees no escape. Our hearts close up. Our waistbands continue to grow. Our lives possess the potential to leave us feeling unsatisfied, lacking, or maybe completely alone.

David, the guy from David & Goliath, was no different. He was human. Here is this man who is labeled a “man after God’s own heart”, a deliverer of the people of Israel, and a king. Psalm 13 finds an interesting train of thoughts from David. Thoughts that feel very relateable to many of us. “Hey God, will you ignore me forever?”, “Hey God, have you hidden your face from me because I can’t see you!”, and “Please, answer me Lord!”. Have you ever found yourself praying something similar? I have. I go through stages of life where I feel stuck, purposeless, confused, frustrated, alone amidst many faces, etc. Where do we turn? What is the path forward for us when we find ourselves wounded, wandering, or in a holding pattern?

David shares with us what gives him hope. On the heels of expressing his hurt and loneliness, David declares “I have trusted in your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.” David felt as though God was hiding his face from him and yet, clung to the Lord. David doesnt declare a divorce from the Lord nor does he turn to other sources for hope and encouragement. David seeks the Lord. This feels radical when compared to the sentiment that is often communicated today. David didn’t say “As I feel wounded and alone I will commit to love myself.” What a strange people we are.

Could it be that this popular line of thinking, “Love yourself”, isn’t actually the remedy for us? Could it be that as Christ followers we never see the invitation in scripture to love ourselves more? It could be and is. The reason being because our purpose isn’t to love ourselves more. Our purpose isn’t to live for our glory. What we need is more of the Father and less of self. This is why Paul communciates in his letter to the church of Galatia that we must die to ourselves.

Loving self is in many ways a contradiction of terms. The opposite of love is not hate but selfishness. If I consider my self first and foremost I am not capable of functioning according to my purpose. Ever pause and ask why is it considered helpful to say “I love myself”? Instead, how much more powerful is it to consider who you are already loved by? David feels alone and instead of loving himself he declares he clings to the love the Father has for him! Why? Because when the God of the universe declares and demonstrates his love for you your “loving self” falls drastically short.

I write this not to dismiss the reality of disappointments, loneliness, hurt, etc. I write to offer a word of hope. Life is going to present us with struggles and our struggles might not be remedied immediately. We may pray with earnest and God not remove the struggle. Cling to him. Even when you feel as though God has hidden his face, cling to him. What we often learn when doing so is that when God felt hidden He was actually so far ahead that our limited selves failed to see Him at work. Cling to the love of the Father when the world calls you to love yourself. Cling to the the source of endless love and not the object of that love. Cling to the Father and know that there is hope amidst a hidden face.